Monday, December 29, 2014

The silent agonist

 Don't tell me that you have come to accept that monster?

                         There are only two things in these worlds that scare us: the unknown and the wicked. The mantra rang through Maximillius' head the entire night. Endowed with the new powers of the force it has become clear that the fantasy lived out in the heads of nerds has now become the living reality for the United Union of Planets. Maximillius lived on the farmland planet of Terramagna. He needed to do his chores, so he got up to get clear view of the till machine and began applying focus. The force was merely a form of telekinesis. Maximillius only had to stare at an object and a thread of energy connects the object to his mind. The object begins to move according to oscillations of his mind. There are those who consider it an art. Machines trace these energy trails and have often produced beautiful pictures, such as the waves of the ocean or the peaks of mountain. Maximillius only produced tiny ant hills with his mind, he was not gifted.


                   Winifred waited for her playdate with Maximillius. At the age of nine, they would always wake up at 8:30 in the morning and practice their telekinetic powers on Saturdays. But now it was 9:00 and Maximillius still hasn't shown. She decided to try out the new trick they were taught in school. One can expand their mind and send out a telekinetic energy wave that worked as a sonar. She set out the wave and suddenly she felt connected to a million different textures. Pebbles, rocks, even the shifting plate tectonics beneath her called out to her with different energy incantations. Finally, she reached some people. She felt grocery carts and bouncing balls.
                  Once her wave reached living objects she could see truth. Each living object had their own signature, so complicated that only an image comes close to describing them. The frogs all had spirals that flowed with a multitude of color. Dogs were rushing rivers that pivoted around rocks, splashing across the glossy surfaces, seeping deep into the permeable surfaces of the rocks. Humans were even more intricate.
                 Baby's could not produce their signature since they were still developing. For some adults Winifred could only make out part of their sign. The intricacy did not come as a result of mental capacity, but instead from unfamiliarity. She saw suns and multi-colored sands arranged in spherical conglomerates. They were overlapped and practically unintelligible for Winifred. After jumping around for a few minutes she reached a signature she could understand. It was a dove that was tending to its feathers by a still lake. She could sense the familiarity and the dove was not perfectly white as many would imagine. It was specked with brown spots that produced a beautiful hue while flying. She felt it as rest. Maximillius was still in bed.

               "What are you doing., Winifred said with an uneasy tone. Maximillius was juggling several hundred ants in the air, torturing them as they tried to regain their balance. Finally he applied what was learned in school, the compression technique. Each ant popped like raisins squeezed for juice in vain. Maximillius smirked, but also felt a little uncomfortable with this torment. Winifred reached out to him. Stop it. That is enough. Maximillius let the ants go and when they hit the ground they all immediately scurried away, confused as they did not know where to go to be safe. Maximillius reached out to Winifred, but she turned away looking for some way to go. But what was she running from? "I'm sorry, Maximillius said. Winifred simply went home.


          "Winnie you know that you're one of my closest friends," Maximillius said. Winifred smiled and responded with a knod. "I don't understand why you hang out with Devon and Marc so often," Maximillius said begrudgingly. "
"You don't understand a lot Maximillius. I like them. They make me laugh and they are very nice once you get to know them," she responded, trying to convince Maximillius of her new friends' worth. Max merely scoffed and began sending her depictions. First, he began a rendition of rhapsody in blue inside her head. Then he began growing trees, flowers, and eventually a village. The images morphed into a house with a dark red clay roof. The red was vibrant and as Winifred began to see it the red seemed to mimic the very life force of the world. She returned the gesture with her own unique signature. A great monarch butterfly that perched itself on a branch. Often Maximillius would then send her a dove, completing the signature. People in this world would only trade signs to those they trust. A sign distinguished you and could be used to track you.

      "We cannot trust your information, go back and come back with someone who has a pre-approved sign," said the transit guard. Maximillius was frustrated. He wanted to get off Terramagna to finally join the war effort. He could not depict beauty like those around him could. He could stretch his mind to see the world around him. He could only focus and move the things in his sight. He could only compress the world into the shapes he desires. Winnie has an approved sign, perhaps she will let me go.


" How could you do this," Winifred said sobbing. Maximillius reached out: you knew this would eventually happen, Marc was a sympathizer, he deserved to die. Winifred shouted, " You forsake yourself by rationalizing his death. I speak these words aloud because I no longer want my mind to touch yours. You disgust me." Winnie I'm sorry, but you need to understand that sympathizers all must die. They threaten us all. " I am a sympathizer Max, must I die too?" she said with stingy irony drenched within each word. If you sympathize then I will show no remorse. And as he said those words he unconsciously gripping her neck. She felt his chokehold and tossed him back with her mind. "How dare you," she shouted. "Get away from me, I trusted you and you've hurt me and have taken away someone I care about," she said with a hushed tone. She wanted to just be done of him. I'm sorry Winnie, please I never intended. But the words just stood in static space between them. She had disconnected herself from him.

   He expanded his mind and finally after 3 hours could see the Monarch. She lived out in a dairy farm, where most of the grasslands had begun to die out. When Winnie saw Max her heart began to race. Winnie I'm not here to commit any harm. Please if you value any part of our old friendship lend me your signature so I might enlist. Why don't you just use your own? You know that someone whose signature is as delicate as mine would be rejected. Will I never see you again. If that is what you want. It is. 


   Grand Master Maximillius, we need you to approve this attack. Maximillius turned around on his all leather chair and glanced at the computer screen. Terramagna, his old homeland, why must this world be ravaged? He reached out: this must be a mistake, Grandmaster Latos please confirm this order for me. It is confirmed, there is a huge faction of sympathizers that are stationed on that planet. The leader of the rebels is called Devon. Hmm, I beg you please do not murder all of them. Let's only send a special unit to remove the rebel leader. I am sorry Max, but they must see a demonstration of our power. Well at the very least evacuate my good friend Winifred Rescin. I will do my best, but you should tell her to take care. I cannot, we have not spoken in years. As Maximillius looked through the list of undesirables on the list, he began reading the names. He saw Winnie's name and he began to panic. If she was on this list then there was no doubt she would be murdered, most likely in a public display. Latos, please Winnifred is on the list, can you misplace her and put her in my custody. Max, we all must watch the ones we love perish in order to see the righteous order be restored. I will kill her personally and privately in a most humane manner. Thank you for your compassion. I cannot let her die.

   Winnie struggled to lift the weights. Many children of all genders could lift 50 pound weights, but Winnie had trouble with such focus. Her mind naturally wandered and instead wanted to map the world around her. Max would often help her during exams when she must lift 10 pound weights. The teachers were never the wiser. Thank God she had him.

"Why do you come here, you close-minded fool," snarled the rebel guard. "Please I have information about an upcoming attack, I need to speak to your superior," pleaded Maximillius. We don't deal with imperials. Please listen to me, I must save her. Max sent out his signature, but this time it was a dove in flight trying desperately to find something in the sky. It was something valuable. What is your rank? Grandmaster. What... a grandmaster. Maximillus the compressor, what brings you to my base. General I come with a humble request, save my friend on Terramagna. What is it that you will do for me if I save her? I will be your informant, I will protect your rebels. No I do not accept selfish betrayal. You care little for the rest of those on Terramagna. I will not indulge you in your personal childhood crush. Please I will save millions. Hrm. I will give her a safe room with a code. The code must be given to the person she trusts the most. Give it to her. Tell her to give the code to that person so she does not die. What is the code? Maximillius was given the image of dragon, the signature the rebel General.

       "I intend to leave one day Winnie," Max said with a solemn tone.
"I know that, but sometimes I like to pretend that we will always be connected. All of my friends can find me though they are fine. We expand our minds and search for each other." My dove will always be able to find you. All you will need to find is my monarch, she waits for any friend of mine to come. But I may be thousands of lightyears away. Distances does not matter. When you can bend the time and space in your mind as we do all the time, we can find the ones we love. 


      Winnie please come save me. Where are you Max. I made a mistake, by the... Max? Max, send me your dove. I can't... I'm bleeding, it's everywhere. Winifred began to expand her mind. Stretching it all through Terramagna. All the beauteous images were just white noise as she desperately searched for a dove. After 8 minutes she saw the dove, left wing twitching and crying out to the distance. She rushed that way to find Max with a giant spear pierced into his right breast. She pulled it out using telekinesis and immediately sent out a distress signal. In Terramagna, sending the image of siren would immediately bring an emergency service to you. People passed the image along, making sure to keep the trace intact. Finally the medics came. "Winnie, I'm sorry, I," Max began to mutter as he lost consciousness. It's ok, I found you just like I said I would. You will be fine. Max suffered severe nerve damage in the right side of his body. He will never be able to move his right arm again. He began to cry out as the suffocating sense of disability took over his life. It will take years for him to grow to love himself again. Winnie could only sit silent, feeling as if she had lied to her friend whom she loved so much.

  Winnie, I know you don't want to hear from me, but I have defected to the resistance. I am giving you signature as a passcode to a safehouse that you will find underneath the river you found me at when I was bleeding. Only tell one other person of the signature and they can remain with you. Make sure it is someone you trust as they may sell you out in order to gain favor with the Imperials. If you do not want to talk to me I understand, just please be safe. ... ........       .....................................

When you leave Terramagna, will you ever come back to visit? No, I have no desire to ever come back to this place. But, I am here and though we can talk through our minds, to see you, hear you, be able to hug you is the most visceral experience. You can visit me. I feel as if it won't be that simple. It will be, you worry far too much. 

The land was scorched. All the grass lands turned to ash and soot. The animals were ridden with insects and what structures had no been pulverized were still burning. Maximillius made his way to the safehouse. Signature required. He sent out the image of the dragon and opened the door.


Why must I do this. You know it was she would have wanted. Yes, but everything is so confusing. You have infiltrate bases as a master, leaving my comrades to take on true risks. I need you to trust that I have you fighting for a proper cause. That is what they told me as a grandmaster. I don't trust either of you. You need not trust me, you only need to love her. Send me your signature so I know it. And Maximillius sent him his signal. Ahh, so regal and lovely, spread your wings and fly Max. 

The project requires us to do this Winnie. "Fine max, but don't think I'll be the only one working on this, we must depict this together," said Winnifred. Psshh fine. And so they began crafting the metal, twisting and turning, at first Winnie would give directions that Max would follow, but after awhile she could sync with him, both their exertion and direction matching each other in one harmonious craft. They produced a triangle. Three sides in copper. They received a B+ on the assignment. 

Max. Yes rebel Commander. Call me Theo Max, we have worked together for 6 years now. Theo, what is it that you want from me now? I want you to deliver this package. What is it. I cannot tell you, you just must... trust you yes of course I will . Where will I take it? Terra Magna, it shall be liberated finally. Really, and how do you plan to do this? Does it matter? This is exactly what Winifred would have wanted. Max looked away even though no one was there. The mention of Winnie made him tremble. Is this what she wanted me to do? Would she talk to me if she knew what I was doing. For her, I do it all for her.

Max opened up to a floor splattered with blood. And time stopped. Max began to feel a cold sensation take his body. Disbelief was not enough, he was expelled from this dimension and instead resided in one where these things were not intelligible. Nothing was intelligible in this dimension and for a few seconds he could deny and swim in a quickly melting ignorance. He fell to his knees, tears streaming down. He held her in his arms tightly gripping on her shredded clothing. It was clear that her death was incredibly painful. Her wrists were broken and her abdomen was compressed to induce compulsive vomiting, a punishment typically given to traitors. He began to cry out sorry and yelled. He noticed that there were not two bodies in this house, so clearly her friend ratted her out. In her pocket there was a hand written letter. It was smudged with blood from her wrist, making the letter unreadable. Maximillius did not know what to do. He could no longer return to the service. In the letter he could decipher one phrase: "One Art" He returned to the rebel base in dismay.

I am reporting this package to you. Wait, Devon. Max, I would have never expected you. Please send your signature. Max sent his signature and when Devon received the Monarch perched on a branch, he was filled with anger. How dare you. Filthy bird show yourself. This is my sign now. Disgusting, you've taken her life, must you take her personhood too? I cannot stop it. It has permanently changed. You lie. I will make sure you leave this planet immediately. What is this. I was told not to open it. Ahh, I see, with these devices we can save this planet. Fine, do what you must. 

Why would you destroy the planet? She would have never wanted that. She wanted liberation, we liberated the planet. No she hated destruction, you destroyed life, the images the things, you have created devoid space that she would hated. I trusted you. She was an idealist and a pacifist. She waited as innocents died. You liar! 



Don't tell me that you have come to accept that monster? Max knew he would be executed. He sent out the Monarch. Devon the defector, received it and realized even after 20 years after her death, Max still held Winnie in his heart, in his mind. She lived through him. I accept only that. You have fallen to a whimsical state of being. 

Oh Winnie, there you are! 

Saturday, December 6, 2014

A respite that ended with an unfinished sonnet.

I guess I'm back here to prove something
Everybody thought that it died in me 
too bad it did not go gently, instead it tossed and turned 
to test if I still had the ability to just spit on the page 
gross, isn't it? But that doesn't matter when you're pretty much 
scraping for time. My writing process has never been prompt. 
It's aimless and doesn't conform to any stricture I know of. 
I wish I could speak to it and see what form it'd take, but it'd surely
change its stripes every single time. And once I've gotten used to that, 
it'd flip the entire design. I know it seems neurotic to talk about a piece of your own intellectual process. 
I've already admitted to myself that there's more to my wordplay than just slight hints, purposely dropped over my shoulder hoping you pick it up and yell "Mr. Green in the" and that's when it stops because we're not in a mansion. 
First person exposition is a drag. I personally hate it. Nobody cares about what I have to say, especially me, but months of not writing will leave a lot of personal chit cat bottled up. A lot of I told you so's sewed into the margins. I just remembered a student of mine needed tape for a book. As a teacher you always want to be able to solve problems immediately. 
But some problems need to linger before you can solve them. I don't know for how long or what need to be done, but certainly it's a difficult process to negotiate to be sure. I will figure it out and get back to you all. 
Yet another problem created. This blog post is just what I always wanted. Hah if you don't get that, it's fine. I'm getting old, so I'm a bit dated and I don't have a day like Feb 2nd. 
Keep going, I know for a fact that I have no rhythm so I just make it up as I go. But when I see people with actual flow, I marvel and wonder what am I going to do with this now. So I just open a youtube instrumental and write to the sound. 
These are just musings. Small thoughts bunched on  a page. I promise there's no reasoning nor is there anything to gain from reading these etches. You are my digital etch and sketch. I now know the reason to read high brow literature is to let it become etched in your brain because even now I can see a Foucaultian resistive history forming on this page.   
Enough with the slanted talk. I'm tired of it. I think I'd rather just be able to talk in a normal fashion for the rest of this splurge. I'm depleting my ability to think with all of this writing. Or perhaps freeing it, allowing it wonder because it was cramped. 
I guess for those who decided to even read this you get to have something from me. A small offering to those of you who waste your time whenever I try to make rimes (straight shooter there). 

I finish this blogpost with a formal assault 
And fitting too as the rest have been improper 
I cannot  believe those raging riots are for naught 
Perhaps some fear is exactly what they're after
Too bad the tables turn all too quickly for them 
Weird to have a pronoun used to designate you 
So we link our arms and try desperately to mend 
The justice system you choose to consistently abuse. 
I fear, my friends, our idle lives are done. 
These tumultuous times have crept on us. 
We must sacrifice till this struggle is won. 
So when we answer our children, we are honest 

Unfinished turn needed